So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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