Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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