Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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