Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
