This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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