you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
