its not stalking. its research.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
