I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
