Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
