Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
