even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
