It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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