I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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