Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
