i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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