Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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