Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
