Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
