goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
