Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
