There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Drake has all the answers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
