That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
