well you can't waste a boner
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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