Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
