i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
