Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
