This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I will pee on everything he values.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
