My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
