She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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