One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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