I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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