I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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