did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
