I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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