and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
