There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
