I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
