____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
