I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
