I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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