her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
