I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
