Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize