he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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