This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
