Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize