eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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