I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
