I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
