Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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