Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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