Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
