can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
