I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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