k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
