something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
