tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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