I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
