He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
