my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
