You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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