I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
