When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
