apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The best revenge is premature balding
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
