Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
