my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
