Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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