I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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