the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
