I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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