so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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