On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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