What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize